what the....??? misheard song lyrics

It's okay to be confused in life. In fact, that is probably the most common state of existence. Camus had baseless nausea. Holden couldn't figure out how to save all the children from becoming adults, including himself. We all misinterpret Nabokov's tragicomedy Lolita to be an erotic novel rather than an unsolvable riddle as Nabokov himself described: "She was like the composition of a beautiful puzzle -- its composition and its solution at the same time, since one is a mirror of the other, depending on the way you look." (Vladimir Nabokov, Playboy interview, 1963)

We mistake sex for love. We confuse desire with necessity. We get lost in cities laid out on a grid system. We mix up our priorities and then soothe ourselves with distractions to further displace the disorientation. We still believe even when we don't want to. We exist in commotion, bewilderment, and perplexity. The path is never clear.

And that is okay. Because that is life. But it's not okay when we are dealing with song lyrics. Yes, we all know there's not a bathroom on the right... ("There's a bad moon on the rise...") or do we? There is no "Olive, the other reindeer..." And though Robert Palmer might be annoying, he probably didn't comment of himself: "Might as well face it... You're a d**k with a glove..." or maybe he did. One of my childhood friends used to belt out: "I want a new truck!" until her father let her on as to what the Huey Lewis song was really about. Here's an entire list of misheard song lyrics, a.k.a. mondegreens.

More broadly, Toptenz.net has a list of the top 10 misunderstood songs. Included on this list at the #1 spot is the Boss's classic, "Born in the USA," which people still think to be a patriotic song "when in fact it was a political message about the Vietnam War. Those that listened to the passionate and catchy chorus of 'BORN IN THE USA! I'm a cool rockin' Daddy in the USA,' ignored the embittered verse, which went: 'Sent me off to a foreign land, To go and kill the yellow man.'" Speaking of the Boss, he wrote the often misheard song more famously recorded by Manfred Mann who, probably because he was "blinded by the light," ended up "wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night..."

But here's a fun game that I am borrowing from Am I Right which is an entire website devoted to misheard and misunderstood songs and their wacky lyrics. The game works as follows. Take a song whose title is a question. Then answer said question with a completely different song. The permutations are endless! To make the game harder, you can require that the band that answers one question become the following question. Here are a few of mine:

"Who let the dogs out?" (Baha Men).................................."Baby it's you" (Ke$ha)

"Who's next?" (Ke$ha).................................."Parasites will be so excited when you're dead" (Modest Mouse)

"Birds vs. worms"? (Modest Mouse).................................."The bird and the worm" (The Used)

"It could be a good excuse" (The Used).................................."Yes, she is my skinhead" (Green Day)

"Why does it always rain on me?" (Green Day).................................."Because of you" (Kelly Clarkson)

"Why you wanna bring me down?" (Kelly Clarkson).................................."Bitch I'm special" (Rihanna)

"What's my name?" (Rihanna).................................."A boy named Sue"(Johnny Cash)

"Why do you punish me?" (Johnny Cash).................................."You hurt me" (Jagged Edge)

"Where the party at?" (Jagged Edge).................................."Bend over" (Lil' Boosie)

"Where would I be?" (Lil' Boosie).................................."Where the streets have no name" (U2)

"With or without you?" (U2).................................."You can't win" (Lil' Kim)

"How many licks?" (Lil' Kim).................................."Almost there" (Alicia Keys)

"How come you don't call me?" (Alicia Keys).................................."Lost in the supermarket" (The Clash)

"Should I stay or should I go?" (The Clash).................................."Follow me" (Usher)

"Can you handle it?" (Usher).................................."My poor brain" (Foo Fighters)

"What if I do?" (Foo Fighters).................................."0% interest" (Jason Mraz)

"Did you get my message?" (Jason Mraz).................................."I've been away" (The Who)

"Who are you?" (The Who).................................."I'm a slave for you" (Britney Spears)

"Why should I be sad?" (Britney).................................."Oops I did it again" (Britney)

Yeah, Britney can answer her own damn question. Life imitates art.... as always.