get happy in six words

Valentine's Day is a day I usually choose to rapidly pass over, reminding myself that ignorance is the true bliss. This past V-Day, though, I was alternately amused and touched (and sometimes just grossed out) by the New York Times proposal to its readers to 'sum up a relationship in six words.' Obviously, I was not alone as there are now over 3,500 succinct new love idioms with people still posting as recently as yesterday. (And, yes, I did post one... and no, I am pretty sure you will never guess it.) They run the gamut from forlorn to love-lost to passionate to sexual to lonely to comic to sweet and tender. Here is a sprinkling:

Blind date. Still blinded. Great love.
I'm editorial. He's advertising. Print it.
He screwed up; now she's mine!
Met on train. Still on track.
Guitarists rock, but then they roll.
He's usually right, but I win.
Home is wherever I'm with you.
Dog approves; maybe this guy's good?
We have the same operating system.
She fed me. Me wed she.
We'll make great dog owners someday.
It's always wonderful. With selective amnesia.
We can finish each other's sentences.
They felt they'd met somewhere before.
Slow-dancing in the kitchen without music.
Me not angry when you naked.
Swimming deep waters holding your hand.

This clever idea for disciplined self-expression apparently first appeared on Smith magazine's website. They are also doing similar six-word catchphrases for other themes. Even before checking out their website, I was thinking that it would be fun to do something similar today. However, I want to throw a wrench to the monkey... just to see what he might do with it. Rather than creating my own phrases, I will speak through the personas of some of your favorite (or perhaps vexing) celebrities and other oldies-but-goodies in our very own version of "What would the VIP say?" And rather than re-hash that over-done theme of love, I was inspired to choose the topic of pessimism/optimism after seeing today's Times pronounce that the nation's mood is currently at the lowest it has been in about two years.

What is (or would be, if you happen to be dead) your current mood or outlook? (in six words, of course!)

Lindsay Lohan: Took necklace. So sue me! Shit.

Kate Middleton: Fairy tale is actually quite stressful.

Ernest Hemingway: Six words? This is too easy.

Kate Hudson: I'm pregnant! Next role: porn star!

Robert Plant: Now and zen, entering the out door.

Descartes: I think, and sometimes I over-think.

Charlie Sheen: Riding mercury surfboard to bi-winning gnarly-ness!

Johnny Cash: Black train caught man in black.

Shakespeare: "That it should come to this!" (Yes, that's really him... not me being Will. There's no way I could top him...and also, yes, there is another so very obvious 6-word phrase from the Bard...)

Paula Abdul: I'm speechless! Simon touch me again!

Lady Gaga: That's retarded. Sorry. Not. Just dance.

Michel Foucault: Repression, discipline, surveillance -- heterotopias offer escape.

Joan Rivers: My face is plastic eternally, bitches!

Bonnie and Clyde: Kill, steal, dodge, ambushed -- true romance!

James Franco: I am the Renaissance. Forget Leonardo.

Jim Morrison: Far out -- black outs are life.

Hugh Hefner: Life's not complicated. Get some blondes.

Odysseus: Calypso seduced me; I swear. Mmmmmm.

Dr. Dre: Chronic's mine. No haters. Peace out.

God: What was I thinking? Oh god!